Dear Creature,
I suspect you are a mouse, or perhaps small group of mice. I salute your industry. It appears that you have been very busy and/or well-organized. You have brought what I guess to be at least an entire cup of rice to your sneaky hiding place. I would never have found it had I not been looking for a box to pack some things in that I need to ship. I never would have guessed that you would hide in the bottom of a cardboard box once used to hold paper.
I do have a few questions for you. First of all, how long have you been going about this project of rice relocation? How much rice are you capable of carrying in your tiny, tiny arms? Also, where are you now? Are you still hiding somewhere in our home, perhaps in another box, or have you moved on to rice-ier pastures?
Also, were you planning to eat all of this rice yourself? It seems like a lot for one mouse. Perhaps you have an eating disorder? The fact that the rice in the box was mixed with nearly equal parts of -- uh, how to say this delicately? -- your excrement (which looks alarmingly like black rice) makes me suspect you have some issues. Seriously, dude, that is totally gross. The image of you sitting in a dark cardboard box, surrounded by rice and your own poo is not a pretty picture.
Finally, one last question, Creature: where did you get the rice? We have not yet determined the source from which you created your stash. Did you gnaw a hole in a bag somewhere that we have not yet found? Was it in the upstairs pantry, or the basement storage pantry? If you want to just leave us a note, that would help. Thanks.
Well, Mr. or Ms Mouse, I have taken your rice (and poo) and thrown it in the trash. If you want it, you can find it outside in the dumpster. Please, please stop with the hoarding....at least inside our house. And if you see an odd looking contraption made of wood and wire that seems to be inviting you to eat some delicious peanut butter, run. Run like the wind, little friend.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Love,
83 Durant Street
P.S. Photographic evidence of your infraction:
I would guess that it is one mouse. I base this on the fact that if it were multiple mice, there would probably be a lot more, er, *black* rice in the box.
ReplyDelete1st off, traps make me mad. Where I am is of no consequence to you, for now. Rice was just for starters, I would prefer some steak fries with gravy. Pork, the other white meat is not good for me, or so says my intern. I will be in touch. Do not look for me. Crunchy peanut butter is preferred.
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
Karl, (with a "K")
We should be on 1st name basis.
Black rice. Eww.
ReplyDelete