Some thoughts on tenure

Today I attended a tenure workshop. It was somewhat stress-inducing, for numerous reasons that I won't be getting into here. But I thought I would say just a bit about what my upcoming tenure process will involve, mostly for my friends, family, and fans who are not a part of this crazy system called academia to help them understand what happens (at least as I understand it).

I will be "going up" (as the natives call it) next fall -- that is, the Fall of 2011. The process of getting tenure means getting approved by each level of the University in order to win the grand prize of being able to continue having my job. Oh, and also, I would be called "Associate Professor" instead of "Assistant Professor." If I am not successful in my tenure bid (and by the way, I really hate that there's some sort of gambling metaphor in the language we use for this process), that's pretty much the end of it. Although people do appeal negative decisions, and some go through lawsuits, in general, a "no" to your tenure bid means you're leaving your institution. And a "no" to your tenure bid does not help your chances of getting a tenure-track position elsewhere. But let's think happier (and really, likelier) thoughts.

There are multiple stages where you have to be approved. As I understand it, these are the stages of approval:
1) My own department
2) My College Dean (meaning the dean of my division -- in this case, of Arts & Humanities)
3) The University Rank & Tenure Committee (made up of various folks, mostly senior faculty University-wide, as I understand it)
4) The Provost of my campus
5) The Chancellor of my campus
6) The Board of Trustees of the whole University system.

While people at level 1 know me quite well, people at the higher levels are less likely to know me, or have any idea what it is that I do. At each stage, my work and future job prospects are to be evaluated based on my tenure package, which includes 1) a binder and 2) an evidence box.

On the Binder:
The summer before I go up (that would be next summer) I have collate something like 30 identical binders (one for each person on the committee) that will show how much I have done in the areas of scholarship/research, teaching, and service. Most binders are fat things with tabs and all kinds of crazy details about everything I have ever done academically. There was much talk today of the amount of time it takes to create these things, not to mention the amount of paper necessary to produce them. There were warnings about proper use of tabs and how to get the paper down into the spine. Because really, that's the kind of thing I have time to worry about. And apparently, there's no plan for an electronic version of this. Anyway, if you're looking for the perfect gift for me, think paper and toner!

On the "evidence box"
Because it's entirely possible that someone could fabricate a record of publications simply by doing something like making up a bunch of journals and publications and putting them on one's C.V.*, there is something called the "evidence box," where you actually have to put real live hard copies of the things you claim you've done. So the evidence box has things like the actual book(s) I have written, the journals where my work appears, all my teaching evaluations, and all that sort of thing.

This has me thinking. To my knowledge, there are two possible ways that your life might go that involve there being something created called an "evidence box" in relation to you: 1) you are accused of a crime or 2) you are going up for tenure. At the moment, I think I would rather stand accused of a crime. At least then I would have a lawyer.

This whole process takes AN ENTIRE ACADEMIC YEAR. So while I will be submitting my materials for tenure in September, I will not actually know if I have succeeded until May. So that's going to be a fun year. Also, once your tenure package is turned in, anything that comes later doesn't count. So, for instance, you turn in your tenure package in September, and then in November, you win the Nobel Prize (thinking big here), that sort of big piece of information cannot/will not be added to your package. Timing is everything.

So that, dear ones, is why next summer, I might be a bit cranky, or manic, or otherwise incapacitated. I figured I should give you ample warning!

*Just an explanatory note for my non-academic readers, a C.V. is a "curriculum vitae," a fancy-pants word for a resume. Well, it's a little bit different from a resume, but basically, it's where an academic explains what he/she has been doing with all that "free" time over the summer and after teaching.