Goth Parenting, Take 2

So this afternoon we were in the car on a long drive around various farms. I had a few secrets in my purse to entertain Lucy. One of them was a blue squishy stress-ball-thingie in the shape of a brain (they gave them out at work). I gave it to Lucy and she was delighted. Until she remembered the zombies.

Lucy: It's a brain! the zombies will want to eat it!
Me: Well, when the zombies come, you can throw it, and they will go after that fake brain, and then you can escape!
Lucy: But I don't want them to have this brain! I like this brain!
Me: Oh. Sorry. Well, zombies are just pretend anyway! You don't have to worry about them.
Lucy: Mom, why do zombies eat brains?
Me: ....... uh, Jake, help me out here?
Jake:.......
Lucy: Why Do Zombies Eat Brains?
Me: Well, we don't really know, Lucy. Maybe we can ask the internet later.
Lucy: Well, if zombies eat brains, why don't they eat their own brains?
Me: How would they eat their own brains?
Lucy: [sticking out her jaw and making a motion with her hand] Like that.
Me: Oh, awesome. So when you're a zombie, you can eat your own brain.
Lucy: Yes! I'll be a friendly zombie. I won't eat other people's brains. Only my own.

We're going to make millions on this idea. There will be Zombies. Friendly Zombies. Even if they have to eat their own brains.

Also, this tidbit, heard literally moments ago at the dinner table:

Lucy: Mummies are mean, aren't they? MUMMIES -- Not MOMMIES. (she very clearly enuciated each).

Goth Parenting

So there are all kinds of parenting guides out there for all sorts of parenting challenges. Like nice, normal, parenting challenges like potty training and temper tantrums, and all that. But there are not a lot of parenting guides that cover the kinds of issues that seem to come up around our house, particularly (though certainly not exclusively) around the Halloween-spooky-story time of year. For example, this evening, Lucy and Carter and I were having a grand time wrestling in the front room. Lucy and I were doing our usual routine of "what does the ___ say," which goes something like this:

Me: What does the vampire say?
Lucy: Muawahaha!
Me: What does the witch say?
Lucy: Heheehehehehe [also: I'll get you my pretty, but she doesn't yet have that one down]
Me: What does the zombie say?
Lucy: BRAINS!!!!!

It's perfect. This evening, she told me quite matter-of-factly, that vampires put people in jail. This came as a shock to me, and this detail does not show up in any of the known (to me) traditional vampire lores (we're strict Stoker-ists 'round here, none of your Stephanie Meyer and her glitter vamps, OK?). But she seemed pretty sure of herself. This leaves me wondering who *else* is giving her this information about vampires and the like. Or perhaps she's just generating her own back stories.

So as our conversation continued, she seemed to grow concerned, indicating that she was worried about witches because "they eat children!" She seemed to be half-serious (at least half) so I was quick to remind her that these were just imaginary creatures, and that she didn't need to be scared. She switched tacks quickly (typical) and asked, with genuine curiousity, "Why do zombies say 'BRAINS'?"

[side note -- are other parents having this conversation with their children?]

So I gave her an honest answer, as I believe all parents should when their children ask difficult questions about zombies:

Zombies say "BRAINS!" because they eat brains.

I said it. Out loud. To 3-year-old Lucy. Her face changed from open interest and curiosity to terror. She was upset. And I felt horrible.

Sigh. Is 3 too early to tell your child about zombies? I dunno.

As she was drifting off to sleep tonight, she asked me (literally while I was in the middle of her lullaby which does NOT include any mention of zombies/witches/vampires): "Mommy, can you hear when you're dead?"

I answered no. She did not have a follow-up question; in fact, she seemed satisfied with the answer.

I foresee some more interesting conversations. I'll try to post again soon.