Of Jobs Long Forgotten

Today I was attempting to clean up the piles of papers and files that have stacked up everywhere. While getting things into new piles (throw away, recycle, shred, file), I started to wonder just what the heck was filling up my many file drawers. A quick look revealed that I have kept all of my tax return documents dating back to 1992, when I first filed. There are many other absurd things in those drawers, too, but at least these I can safely say can be tossed (at least the ones older than 7 years). While I realize that this stack of documentation would be a treasure trove for future biographers, I really don't need to hold onto these things; instead, I will toss them, but remark here upon a few notable discoveries. At the very least, they are fodder for future short stories.

I was shocked at how many jobs I've had in the past that I had completely forgotten. For future biographers, then, here is a portion of my work history which I have now completely obliterated from my file cabinet:

1989-ish - 1996-ish (on & off): Dickinson College Dining Services
I worked in their catering department throughout high school and on breaks from college. Mostly it was for their banquet events and alumni things. I also worked during some of the camps they held there, perhaps most notably, the summer training camp of the Washington Redskins. The football team. I personally served Jack Kent Cooke, the ridiculously wealthy owner of the team. True story: after tending to the many, many special requests of Cooke's personal entourage (there were a bunch of kids with the group and they all wanted particular kinds of ice cream treats), Cooke thanked me, then turned to his assistant and said "take care of this young lady." I took this to mean that the assistant should tip me, not kill me (as the vagueness of the suggestion of "taking care" of someone might suggest). Neither happened.

Summer 1993: U.S. Army (I am not kidding)
I washed towels and checked IDs at the gym at the Army War College. I had completely wiped all memory of this job from my mind until I found my job documents, including certificates from the US Army attesting that I had completed various training on things like sexual harassment policies, and a letter of thanks from the Colonel on the base that asserted that I was "just the kind of person the Army needs." Wow.

Summer 1994: PPG (Pittsburgh Plate Glass) factory floor worker
I have made mention of this job before, and there is a longer version of this story somewhere. This was the only job I was ever fired from. I resigned, and then a few weeks later, I received my pink slip informing me that I had been terminated for "voluntary resignation without proper notification" -- I hadn't given them enough notice when I quit. I had worked there for about five weeks (mostly night shift, all physical labor, mostly spent sweeping floors for 8- hours shifts) when I couldn't take the craziness anymore. After a few incidents that really aren't even worth discussing, I lodged a complaint about sexual harassment with H.R., and resigned effective immediately. Looking back, I really should have sued them or threatened to. Maybe I could have made enough money to stop having awful summer jobs. I can't believe they fired me.

Summer and also school breaks, 1994: Ross Distribution Center
I put price tags on things. This involved opening giant boxes of, say, shirts or bras, or whatever, and attaching pre-printed price tags to each item using a tag gun. For 8-hour shifts. Mind. Numbing.

Work-Study @Lehigh, 1992- 1995: Gallery Assistant to the University Galleries
You might think that this meant hanging out in the campus galleries, looking at art. Nope. This meant hanging/installing exhibits. I actually liked this job a lot. I got to go into these secret art gallery storage facilities and meet the occasional artist and see how exhibits work. I got to build frames and display cases. I wore a Makita on a tool belt. I really liked my boss, who seemed bemused by me (my hair changed color a lot back then) and sometimes called me "Cindy Lou" because apparently, at some point, I looked like that character in How the Grinch Stole Christmas who asks the Grinch "Why are you taking our Christmas tree?" I really don't remember the context for when/how I looked like her, but I have a vague recollection that I was often very sad then, so it's entirely possible that I did look like a kid who was watching her Christmas tree being stolen by a man dressed as Santa.

Summer 2001: Errors Survey at Baystate Medical Center Emergency Room.
This was by far the strangest one (and that's saying something given this list!). I worked the night shift, following around the workers (doctors, nurses, orderlies, etc.) in the E.R., and at least twice during their shift, I had to ask them if they had made any errors or witnessed any errors. I had to wear a white lab coat, so I looked like a doctor, which meant that patients (and/or their family members) were always coming up to me and asking for help. You see a lot of gnarly things if you hang out in an E.R., just watching stuff, for that long.

That's all the employment reminisces I have time for today (I really MUST finish going through those files and throwing stuff out!). Stay tuned for more exciting stories of on-the-job perils. Please do share your worst-job-ever stories in the comments. This trip down memory lane has made me very very happy to have the job I have.